The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo

Obviously, this movie does not need to exist.  The original is very good and available free on Netflix streaming (and probably everywhere else).  Sure, we get Daniel Craig and Rooney Mara this time, and they’re both fine.  In the original, there are just a bunch of Swedes I’ve never seen before.  But that’s a good thing.  Here, I know the important characters are played by the actors I recognize.  For a murder mystery, obscurity greatly strengthens the story.

For my third exposure to this tattoo, it’s amazing I sat through all tw0 hours and forty minutes and still thought it was awesome.  The mystery holds its own against the best of Agatha Christie and Hitchcock.  It’s darker than those.  Very dark in places with the US version being even more graphic than the original.  Nothing is ever gratuitous, however, so it all works.

If you’ve been exposed to this story in any of its previous forms and enjoyed it, I’d still say this is worth watching.  It sticks close to the book (far-too-long epilog included).  There’s more polish, obviously, and Trent Reznor’s soundtrack is totally worth a viewing.  You’ll never listed to Enya the same again.

This is still a great murder mystery.  See it in some form or another.

Grade: A

Kristi’s Take…

Unlike my cohort I have not seen the original Swedish film, so my take on the film is slightly less biased. Having said that, I believe John is quite right about his assessment of this film. David Fincher, the director of many well known and beloved films like: Seven, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, Fight Club and so forth creates a suspense filled movie that leaves you longing for the answer to all of your questions. Of course I couldn’t handle this and used my phone to wiki the ending and surprisingly enough knowing the ending did not diminish the over all film for me in the slightest.

The downside of this film for me was the length and seeing it with my mother, which was awkward during the more gratuitous scenes. I was woefully unimpressed with the actual dragon tattoo on Rooney Mara’s character, Lisabeth Salander, but her role and acting in this film more than make up for something as silly as my wish for a more impressive tattoo.

This is a brutal and fantastically beautiful film, which is completely worth spending $10 on if you don’t catch the matinee, but be ready for a longish movie with an excellent mystery.

Grade: A

Magic is in the the air and I’m not referring to Christmas. It has been a while since I’ve seen a great movie in the theater, but tonight I watched a truly magnificent movie. I have literally been at a loss for words and unable to write a single review until tonight.

Hugo is about the magic of film and one of the greatest film makers ever, George Melies. The story follows a young orphan’s journey to find his purpose in life and he does this through the fixing of a broken automaton and figuring out the mystery behind its creation.

Martin Scorsese creates a magical world within a train station during the 30s in Paris. His use of vintage film footage in this movie illuminates the history of film in a way that brings tears to your eyes and a warmth to your heart. I am rarely moved by films, but even I had tears welling up inside of me when seeing the vintage footage that was included in this film. It is so hard to describe the beginning of film to people outside of the industry and finally there is a fun and family friendly movie that does exactly what I find so difficult.

There was absolutely nothing about this film I disliked and I can only imagine how dazzling it would be in 3D. I suggest that you see this movie posthaste and enjoy the experience and beauty of true cinema.

Grade: A+

 John’s Take…

Hugo is going to win a lot of awards at the Oscars this year – probably even Best Picture.  And that’s because it is a love story to Cinephiles.  My theory is that Scorsese woke up one morning and said, “I’m going to make another mobster movie!”  His wife then said, “You’ve made enough of those!”  He then said, “I’m going to make a movie to show why I love movies!  No mobsters, dear.”  By that standard, he made one of the greatest non-mobster movies ever.  If you love movies, this is a much see.  Period.  By not watching Hugo, you lose half your street cred.

If you think movies are just a good way to kill a few hours; or if you think Michael Bay is a great director; or Shia LaBeouf is a great actor, you’ll love Hugo, too, but only because you recognized Borat in it.

If my theory holds true, every critic will say (or already has said) that this is the greatest movie of the year.  When you ask your friends (I’m talking about your normal friends, not wierdos like Kristi and I), they’ll probably give you a “Meh, it was alright.”  The story is good and there’s a cool mystery to be solved, but I’m not sure how well people will enjoy all of the movie history.  If you see this, I’m genuinely curious to hear how you like it.

I saw this in 3D and it looked like Scorsese gave that extra dimension to his cinematographer instead of handling it himself.  The movie is set in Paris and every time there’s a shot of the city, the 3D is used perfectly.  Slower, dialog shots are kept flat and then stretched out as the emotion ramps up.  It’s 3D done right and it’s awesome to see.

If you have even a passing interest in movie history, then go see Hugo.  The re-enacted Behind the Scenes shots (of famous scenes like the spaceship in the eye of the moon) are worth it on their own.

Grade: A+

Now I don’t like to bash chick flicks simply because they are made for women.  That wouldn’t be fair and I tend to like several of them.  Unless of course we’re talking about Twilight and my bashings of that should carry the equivalent weight of an After School Special where Little Suzy is saved from a Twilight addiction through the cunning use of heroin.

While it’s easy to laugh at a bunch of women unable to contain their supersonic sewer sauce during dress fittings, everything else a woman goes through during a wedding is pretty foreign to most guys.  Also, guys don’t have BFFs.  We have the occasional bromance, and those are to be cherished like hundred year old scotch, but that’s completely different than B.F.F.  We expect our friends to change.  Those that don’t deserve an ass kicking.

Ultimately, the biggest problem with Bridemaids is that women just aren’t funny.  Don’t believe me?  This has been proven with science.  Stop reading and go check out the hilariously accurate QI clip here.

You back?  Good.  Now I’m not saying that there aren’t any funny women out there.  That’s ridiculous.  We all know there are several.  But I’ve never seen a female ensemble pull off comedy.  The group in Bridesmaids certainly don’t.  Hopefully that day will come, and when it does we’ll all have a good laugh while thinking how much funnier it would have been with a bunch of dudes.

Grade: D

Kristi’s Take…

This is another one of those times where I have to disagree with my fellow movie mus-er, again. I saw this movie with my sister, Shannon, after our mother of all people told us to go and see it because it was hilarious. Skeptical? Heck, yes.

Bridesmaids is not a female version of The Hangover. They may revolve around a wedding and have crude jokes, but Bridesmaids isn’t one big adventure after another. I will also say that this is not a chick flick. This is a movie that a guy and girl could enjoy together if one or the other isn’t squeamish.

I personally felt embarrassed to be watching a film that had so many disgusting jokes and scenes, but like most people I still laughed, even if it was from being uncomfortable.

So, should you see this movie? Sure, it’s worth a rental, but beware of the crude nature of the film. It is a very dry comedy that relies heavily on sex and bodily function jokes. The one thing I will agree with John about is that I don’t believe this film or any chick flick has or will ever pull off comedy the way a guy or bro comedy will.

Grade- C+

I thought my criminal days were behind me, but when I see movies with my mom we end up seeing two or three for the price of one. This week we paid for Moneyball, finished it, then walked into the theater showing Abduction. All I can say about this illegal activity is that my mom made me do it and for that I say thank you.

Moneyball is the story of the Oakland A’s general manage/ ex-ball player, Billy Beane, who decides to play ‘moneyball’ instead of the traditional draft picks that cost millions of dollars, which the Oakland A’s did not have.

(For those of you who don’t know much about this empirical system of gauging a players performance versus the typical draft criteria, then look it up because it’s somewhat interesting.)

This was a decently paced movie and not overwhelmingly heartwarming like most sports movies. Brad Pitt and Jonah Hill do an amazing job delivering believable performances and Phillip Seymour Hoffman plays a great jack ass, as usual.

The downside to this film is that as a person who does not follow sports, especially baseball, I wasn’t super excited about the material of the film, i.e., the baseball. The upside to this is that they explain things very well in this film and even the non-sports enthusiast could enjoy the movie.

I think this is a movie worth seeing. In the theaters? Yes and No. If you’ve seen everything else or nothing really appeals to your extensive movie palate, then this makes a great date or loner movie.

Grade: B++

Abduction Review:

I combined these two reviews because I really didn’t have much to say about Abduction, but I felt that it was necessary to let the masses know that I stooped oh-so-low in my movie viewing.

This “action” flick was just an all around flop. My moviefone rating told me to skip it and so did rotten tomatoes, but I was lured in by naughty thoughts about Taylor Lautner’s cute face and awesome abs. (Yeah, I realize he is like 8 years younger than me, but he is a cutie pie. Also, I don’t care what any woman says, they see them and they like ‘em. Abs– that is.)

Aside from getting to see his abs a few times and some okay stunt work the movie was predictable and the dialogue (what dialogue?) was atrocious. Why do they allow John Singleton to make movies, seriously? It’s like he was trying to make a Jason Bourne movie for teenagers. Big fail!

Do not waste your time or money unless you are a 14 year old girl. I’m pretty sure they would like it….

Grade: D ( although it was still better than Drive)

And so began the worst decision of the year. Not only is Drive the worst movie of 2011, it’s probably the worst of the decade. How it managed to score so high on Rotten Tomatoes makes me think I’ve been pranked. Some internet joke has gotten the best of me.

I’ll start with the good: there isn’t any.

Drive begins with about three lines of stilted, monotone dialog in the first twenty minutes. Ok, no problem. Up started with no lines and it was brilliant. After the opening scene (which isn’t completely terrible), Drive starts a romantic subplot (or maybe it’s a main plot.  I couldn’t really tell). But the dialog style remains the same; two or three lines of things normal people wouldn’t say, followed by painful moments of awkward silence in between. Did I accidentally walk into a Twilight movie?

Even the (quote)action scenes(/quote) move at a pace that would make Eeyore shout, “Get on with with it!” Halfway through the movie, I noticed several people walk out.  First time I’ve seen that in a while.  I even lost my cohort to Words with Friends.

They pepper the second half with some laughably gratuitous violence and nudity, but it all reeks of a twelve year old trying too hard to be artistic.

Drive is a terrible, terrible movie. I’m not sure any more needs to be said.

Grade: F-

Kristi’s Take…

Three words-

Worst movie EVER!

Grade: F-

Crazy, Stupid, Love. Is a movie about a family going through a divorce, but more specifically it follows the husband of the family, Steve Carell and his journey. His wife (Juliana Moore) cheats on him saying she is having a mid-life crisis and that they stopped being ‘in love’ a long time ago, yadda yadda yadda. From there it is about his journey to finding out who he is and the person he left behind at some point during their 25 years together. And of course he is helped along by the playboy of the movie Ryan Gosling (so delicious if I may say so).

Carell of course is the appropriate amount of hilarious and serious in this movie. He does an excellent job of creating a character that is lovable, laughable and easily pitied. Ryan Gosling is absolutely gorgeous and does an excellent job of playing the rich playboy and can I just–DAMN! his abs are awesome! This is Emma Stone’s second movie of the summer (The Help) and I have to say that I preferred her in this role. Of course that could have something to do with how much I related to her character.The show stealing role goes to Jonah Bobo who plays Carell and Moore’s son in the film. His character is honest, outspoken, hilarious and worth every penny if only just to see him.

The movie starts out shaky, but picks up speed and lets the good times roll up until the end. This is definitely a movie to buy once it’s out on DVD/Bluray and is definitely worth the money to see in the theater. Go forth and enjoy my fellow movie lovers.

Grade: A+

The only thing I knew about The Green Hornet is that it was a TV show in the 60s.  Turns out, it started as a radio program alongside The Lone Ranger in the 30s and lasted until the 50s.  That’s pretty incredible.  The characters are so similar to Batman and Robin that it looks like a 1960s answer to Adam West.  All the cool kids watched Batman and played with Transformers while the sad kids with Go-Bots got stuck with the Green Hornet.

Turns out, I was wrong (that sound you hear is my cohort laughing uncontrollably).  The Green Hornet is not just a crappy Batman.  It’s nothing great, but can stand on its own with no problem.

Let’s start with the good.  Christoph Waltz plays the villain.  You may remember him as the main Nazi from Inglorious Basterds.  Just like that movie, he steals every scene here.  I’m watching his next movie – no questions asked.  He’s simply awesome.

For the bad, I gotta point to Seth Rogan.  He co-wrote the story and it’s really good – in parts, great.  There’s some deep stuff between him and Kato but the dude just didn’t have the skills to pull it off.  I’m not sure who else could have played a reckless, spoiled rich kid and been able to keep up with the emotionally intense scenes… besides Christian Bale.

Overall, The Green Hornet is worth a rental.  It’s deeper than most comic book schlop, but still a little uneven.

Grade:B

Kristi’s Take…

BAZINGA! That is for John admitting he was wrong. Doesn’t that just rhyme so well?

Here’s what I liked about the movie– It had it’s funny moments and the action sequences are pretty great considering the real hero of this dynamic duo is Kato. I also really like that The Green Hornet straddles a fine line between villainy and heroism. People call this a vigilante, but people also call Batman a vigilante. Come on he doesn’t even like to kill his villains! The Green Hornet doesn’t seem to have a problem with that and it’s honest, so it works.

My issues with the movie are similar to John’s. Seth Rogan is a funny guy and he pulls that off well, but when he mixes drama into the scheme of things it just doesn’t translate well. In the end that is enough to ruin a movie. Does it ruin this movie? Ehhhhh….

Rent the movie if you need something to watch and you don’t want to emotionally invest yourself and of course it’s good for a few laughs.

Grade: B

John’s Second Take…

You still agreed with me.  Just sayin…

The Help, another novel turned into a movie, was written by author Kathryn Stockett and flew under the radar until the movie’s preview came out this past spring. It is now on the New York Times bestseller list and has been on there for over 100 weeks. I think Ms. Stockett needs to thank the Silver Screen for her recent push into..ahem…money.

This movie is about a young white woman and two black women who secretly take matters into their own hands and tell the world what it’s like to be “The Help” in Jackson, Mississippi during the early 60s.

What I like about this movie is that Tate Taylor, the director and writer, tries to make a movie that speaks to various generations. We all know racism in one form or another and this movie attempts to show us some of the earlier sides of segregation and racism. Do I think they accomplish this? Not quite, but having read the book I may be biased, just slightly. I will admit that while some of the acting left a lot to be desired I believe the issue was with the script and not the actors.

What you really want to know is–is this movie worth paying money for and seeing in the theater? I will say that if you need a movie with heartwarming moments, but a serious plot, then yes this is worth the money and time. I also think this is a movie you can wait to watch on DVD or Bluray, if you aren’t in the mood for heartwarming and serious. Here is my one warning: if you expect a fast paced movie then you will be disappointed, because this movie is a long 137 minutes. Worth it? Maybe if you haven’t read the book first (insert picture of me repeatedly hitting myself in the head with the book).

Grade: B

P.S. Read the book after seeing the movie. It’s a pretty good read and excellent material to share with others.

I knew we were in trouble from the opening credits when I saw five writers for screenplay and three more for “screen story” (despite Steve Oedekerk of Thumb Wars fame).  Stories should not written by committee.  When they are, Hollywood is just trying to target every demographic.  How often does that work?

Cowboys & Aliens starts out like any great Western.  Our hero wakes up with amnesia, but  discovers he’s wanted for crimes against a grumpy cattle ranger. Even within the minor characters, there are a lot of interesting relationship dynamics (like how a Western should be).  But as soon as the aliens appear, everyone forgets they hate each other and become one big happy family.  Even at the end, there’s an “Aw shucks, I guess we can’t be mad now” moment.  It’s terrible.

Olivia Wilde gets the worst of all this.  Her backstory seems quite interesting, but there’s no time devoted to any part of it.  Instead, she gets reduced to Hot Chick #1.  I don’t know which writer to blame for this, but shame on him for trying to make a Michael Bay movie.

I have no problems with mash-ups like this.  In fact, they can be quite fun and I had high hopes for Cowboys & Aliens.  But fantasy elements must enhance a story that can stand on its own.  It just doesn’t work here.  It’s worth a rental (for Harrison Ford’s awesome character), but mostly forgettable.

Grade: C+

Kristi’s Take…

I was never a big fan of the Western until watching Sergio Leone’s Dollars Trilogy (aka The Man with No Name). So, imagine my surprise when I saw the trailer for a movie that had cowboys and aliens! I decided that since Jon Favreau did such an excellent job with the Iron Man movies, then he couldn’t possibly go wrong with this movie.

WRONG!

After seeing this movie people kept asking me what I thought about it and I couldn’t give them a definitive answer. I felt ambivalent about what I had seen and couldn’t put my feelings into words, that has changed.

The writing for this movie was atrocious and there were so many unfinished story lines that I felt that a child had written the script. The only positive to this movie were the effects and the possible story line for Olivia Wilde’s character, which unfortunately, goes undeveloped. Other than that, the movie was unfinished and not worth the money we spent for the ticket or worthy of being out on my birthday.

Now if you want a fun Western, then watch Rango or pop in a Clint Eastwood film, because you can’t go wrong with that man. Sorry, I think I’m drooling.

Grade: C

Alright, here’s the deal- I pride myself on my romance & romcom movie knowledge and personal love of these sometimes overly outrageous films. Seriously, I own some of the first romantic comedies (& romances) that ever graced the big screen and this was a particular interest of study for me in college, so I’m kind of the supreme know-it-all of romance (/comedy) in movies. My romantic comedy viewing knows no bounds, even if it does get filed away in my mind somewhere. Like in that place we all have that’s labeled, “Why would you do this to yourself, seriously?”

Friends with Benefits (FWB) is my most recent venture into the romcom world and it was a lot/if not exactly like it’s predecessor (from this year may I add) No Strings Attached. The jokes are similar, the story line is the same and of course it ends happily.

Here is the break down (beware of the run on sentence):

Boy meets girl, they are blunt, sarcastic, and witty with one another, form a fast friendship, decide to have meaningless sex, sex scenes ensue, they stop having sex and try to be just friends, something “profound” happens to one of them, they “make love” then one person freaks out and runs away, people get angry, family says, “you are stupid and are meant for each other” and then a big romantic gesture happens, the end.

This all pretty standard for a modern romcom and after writing all of the above I will still tell you to go and see the movie if you need some comic relief. Unlike No Strings Attached the chemistry between Mila Kunis and Justin Timberlake is palpable and very fun. This movie also has flash mobs and that alone makes it worth watching.

If you need a good dose of sarcasm, wit and romance then go see this movie. If you want the profane and less fun version then rent No Strings Attached.

Grade: A+ as a romantic comedy.

Oh, and this movie does have a lot of sexual stuff in it, so if that bothers you then this film is not for you.