The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo is a genuine hit.  The Swedish story started as a book (translated into English), then a movie (subtitled into English), and now an American version (subtitled into Swedish, I’m sure).  All of this in less than four years.  That poor cow has been more than just milked.

Obviously, this movie does not need to exist.  The original is very good and available free on Netflix streaming (and probably everywhere else).  Sure, we get Daniel Craig and Rooney Mara this time, and they’re both fine.  In the original, there are just a bunch of Swedes I’ve never seen before.  But that’s a good thing.  Here, I know the important characters are played by the actors I recognize.  For a murder mystery, obscurity greatly strengthens the story.

For my third exposure to this tattoo, it’s amazing I sat through all tw0 hours and forty minutes and still thought it was awesome.  The mystery holds its own against the best of Agatha Christie and Hitchcock.  It’s darker than those.  Very dark in places with the US version being even more graphic than the original.  Nothing is ever gratuitous, however, so it all works.

If you’ve been exposed to this story in any of its previous forms and enjoyed it, I’d still say this is worth watching.  It sticks close to the book (far-too-long epilog included).  There’s more polish, obviously, and Trent Reznor’s soundtrack is totally worth a viewing.  You’ll never listed to Enya the same again.

This is still a great murder mystery.  See it in some form or another.

Grade: A

Kristi’s Take…

Unlike my cohort I have not seen the original Swedish film, so my take on the film is slightly less biased. Having said that, I believe John is quite right about his assessment of this film. David Fincher, the director of many well known and beloved films like: Seven, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, Fight Club and so forth creates a suspense filled movie that leaves you longing for the answer to all of your questions. Of course I couldn’t handle this and used my phone to wiki the ending and surprisingly enough knowing the ending did not diminish the over all film for me in the slightest.

The downside of this film for me was the length and seeing it with my mother, which was awkward during the more gratuitous scenes. I was woefully unimpressed with the actual dragon tattoo on Rooney Mara’s character, Lisabeth Salander, but her role and acting in this film more than make up for something as silly as my wish for a more impressive tattoo.

This is a brutal and fantastically beautiful film, which is completely worth spending $10 on if you don’t catch the matinee, but be ready for a longish movie with an excellent mystery.

Grade: A

When I first saw the trailers for Bridesmaids, I labeled it as The Hangover for Women.  My female friends who went to see it immediately corrected me and said it was just as funny for dudes.  Riiiiight.  But my theory had nothing to stand on until I saw it, so going in I gave it the benefit of the doubt.  And I’m proud to say that Bridesmaids is in fact, The Hangover for Women: Minus the Jokes.

Now I don’t like to bash chick flicks simply because they are made for women.  That wouldn’t be fair and I tend to like several of them.  Unless of course we’re talking about Twilight and my bashings of that should carry the equivalent weight of an After School Special where Little Suzy is saved from a Twilight addiction through the cunning use of heroin.

While it’s easy to laugh at a bunch of women unable to contain their supersonic sewer sauce during dress fittings, everything else a woman goes through during a wedding is pretty foreign to most guys.  Also, guys don’t have BFFs.  We have the occasional bromance, and those are to be cherished like hundred year old scotch, but that’s completely different than B.F.F.  We expect our friends to change.  Those that don’t deserve an ass kicking.

Ultimately, the biggest problem with Bridemaids is that women just aren’t funny.  Don’t believe me?  This has been proven with science.  Stop reading and go check out the hilariously accurate QI clip here.

You back?  Good.  Now I’m not saying that there aren’t any funny women out there.  That’s ridiculous.  We all know there are several.  But I’ve never seen a female ensemble pull off comedy.  The group in Bridesmaids certainly don’t.  Hopefully that day will come, and when it does we’ll all have a good laugh while thinking how much funnier it would have been with a bunch of dudes.

Grade: D

Kristi’s Take…

This is another one of those times where I have to disagree with my fellow movie mus-er, again. I saw this movie with my sister, Shannon, after our mother of all people told us to go and see it because it was hilarious. Skeptical? Heck, yes.

Bridesmaids is not a female version of The Hangover. They may revolve around a wedding and have crude jokes, but Bridesmaids isn’t one big adventure after another. I will also say that this is not a chick flick. This is a movie that a guy and girl could enjoy together if one or the other isn’t squeamish.

I personally felt embarrassed to be watching a film that had so many disgusting jokes and scenes, but like most people I still laughed, even if it was from being uncomfortable.

So, should you see this movie? Sure, it’s worth a rental, but beware of the crude nature of the film. It is a very dry comedy that relies heavily on sex and bodily function jokes. The one thing I will agree with John about is that I don’t believe this film or any chick flick has or will ever pull off comedy the way a guy or bro comedy will.

Grade- C+

“Hey Kristi, what should we see tonight?”
“I’m up for anything.”
“Well, that Ryan Gosling movie got 92% on Rotten Tomatoes.”
“Yummy.”

And so began the worst decision of the year. Not only is Drive the worst movie of 2011, it’s probably the worst of the decade. How it managed to score so high on Rotten Tomatoes makes me think I’ve been pranked. Some internet joke has gotten the best of me.

I’ll start with the good: there isn’t any.

Drive begins with about three lines of stilted, monotone dialog in the first twenty minutes. Ok, no problem. Up started with no lines and it was brilliant. After the opening scene (which isn’t completely terrible), Drive starts a romantic subplot (or maybe it’s a main plot.  I couldn’t really tell). But the dialog style remains the same; two or three lines of things normal people wouldn’t say, followed by painful moments of awkward silence in between. Did I accidentally walk into a Twilight movie?

Even the (quote)action scenes(/quote) move at a pace that would make Eeyore shout, “Get on with with it!” Halfway through the movie, I noticed several people walk out.  First time I’ve seen that in a while.  I even lost my cohort to Words with Friends.

They pepper the second half with some laughably gratuitous violence and nudity, but it all reeks of a twelve year old trying too hard to be artistic.

Drive is a terrible, terrible movie. I’m not sure any more needs to be said.

Grade: F-

Kristi’s Take…

Three words-

Worst movie EVER!

Grade: F-

I’ve had The Green Hornet sitting in my house for over a month.  One of those, “Eh, I’ll get around to it eventually.”  Meanwhile, Netflix gleefully strokes cats while another month’s bill falls into their gold waterfall.  Stupid, evil geniuses.

The only thing I knew about The Green Hornet is that it was a TV show in the 60s.  Turns out, it started as a radio program alongside The Lone Ranger in the 30s and lasted until the 50s.  That’s pretty incredible.  The characters are so similar to Batman and Robin that it looks like a 1960s answer to Adam West.  All the cool kids watched Batman and played with Transformers while the sad kids with Go-Bots got stuck with the Green Hornet.

Turns out, I was wrong (that sound you hear is my cohort laughing uncontrollably).  The Green Hornet is not just a crappy Batman.  It’s nothing great, but can stand on its own with no problem.

Let’s start with the good.  Christoph Waltz plays the villain.  You may remember him as the main Nazi from Inglorious Basterds.  Just like that movie, he steals every scene here.  I’m watching his next movie – no questions asked.  He’s simply awesome.

For the bad, I gotta point to Seth Rogan.  He co-wrote the story and it’s really good – in parts, great.  There’s some deep stuff between him and Kato but the dude just didn’t have the skills to pull it off.  I’m not sure who else could have played a reckless, spoiled rich kid and been able to keep up with the emotionally intense scenes… besides Christian Bale.

Overall, The Green Hornet is worth a rental.  It’s deeper than most comic book schlop, but still a little uneven.

Grade:B

Kristi’s Take…

BAZINGA! That is for John admitting he was wrong. Doesn’t that just rhyme so well?

Here’s what I liked about the movie– It had it’s funny moments and the action sequences are pretty great considering the real hero of this dynamic duo is Kato. I also really like that The Green Hornet straddles a fine line between villainy and heroism. People call this a vigilante, but people also call Batman a vigilante. Come on he doesn’t even like to kill his villains! The Green Hornet doesn’t seem to have a problem with that and it’s honest, so it works.

My issues with the movie are similar to John’s. Seth Rogan is a funny guy and he pulls that off well, but when he mixes drama into the scheme of things it just doesn’t translate well. In the end that is enough to ruin a movie. Does it ruin this movie? Ehhhhh….

Rent the movie if you need something to watch and you don’t want to emotionally invest yourself and of course it’s good for a few laughs.

Grade: B

John’s Second Take…

You still agreed with me.  Just sayin…

Of all movie genres, I enjoy Westerns the most.  They are usually guy-oriented character studies and deal with things like integrity, honor, and stepping up when life gets tough.  The hero is often a man with no family (just his horse and dog) and a very low tolerance for bullshit (I make no connection between those two, of course).  Cowboys & Aliens starts with that traditional Western formula and adds a bit of Science Fiction.  What’s not to love?  Sadly, everything.

I knew we were in trouble from the opening credits when I saw five writers for screenplay and three more for “screen story” (despite Steve Oedekerk of Thumb Wars fame).  Stories should not written by committee.  When they are, Hollywood is just trying to target every demographic.  How often does that work?

Cowboys & Aliens starts out like any great Western.  Our hero wakes up with amnesia, but  discovers he’s wanted for crimes against a grumpy cattle ranger. Even within the minor characters, there are a lot of interesting relationship dynamics (like how a Western should be).  But as soon as the aliens appear, everyone forgets they hate each other and become one big happy family.  Even at the end, there’s an “Aw shucks, I guess we can’t be mad now” moment.  It’s terrible.

Olivia Wilde gets the worst of all this.  Her backstory seems quite interesting, but there’s no time devoted to any part of it.  Instead, she gets reduced to Hot Chick #1.  I don’t know which writer to blame for this, but shame on him for trying to make a Michael Bay movie.

I have no problems with mash-ups like this.  In fact, they can be quite fun and I had high hopes for Cowboys & Aliens.  But fantasy elements must enhance a story that can stand on its own.  It just doesn’t work here.  It’s worth a rental (for Harrison Ford’s awesome character), but mostly forgettable.

Grade: C+

Kristi’s Take…

I was never a big fan of the Western until watching Sergio Leone’s Dollars Trilogy (aka The Man with No Name). So, imagine my surprise when I saw the trailer for a movie that had cowboys and aliens! I decided that since Jon Favreau did such an excellent job with the Iron Man movies, then he couldn’t possibly go wrong with this movie.

WRONG!

After seeing this movie people kept asking me what I thought about it and I couldn’t give them a definitive answer. I felt ambivalent about what I had seen and couldn’t put my feelings into words, that has changed.

The writing for this movie was atrocious and there were so many unfinished story lines that I felt that a child had written the script. The only positive to this movie were the effects and the possible story line for Olivia Wilde’s character, which unfortunately, goes undeveloped. Other than that, the movie was unfinished and not worth the money we spent for the ticket or worthy of being out on my birthday.

Now if you want a fun Western, then watch Rango or pop in a Clint Eastwood film, because you can’t go wrong with that man. Sorry, I think I’m drooling.

Grade: C

Can you believe someone made a Captain America movie?  In 2011?  Patriotism isn’t exactly running high these days and everyone still remembers Team America as a valid representation of our country (F&*$ Yeah!).  The directors had an impossible task ahead of them and it’s amazing they pulled it off so well.

Captain America could easily represent American pride, bravado, and arrogance… all in spandex.  So the writers put our hero where be began: fighting Nazis in WWII.  Well really he’s fighting Hydra, the secret paranormal exploration division of the Nazis.  Basically the same guys Indiana Jones fights, but more comicbook-y.

Anyway, WW2 is the perfect setting for Captain America.  He’s dressed as a walking American flag, but when he’s killing Nazis (Hydra)  whilst saying, “I love the smell of Europe in the morning,” it’s not offensive.  In fact, it almost seems like that’s how it should be.

The full title is Captain America: The First Avenger.  That subtitle is important because it’s why this movie exists.  If you’ve stayed past the credits during Edward Norton’s Hulk, Iron-Man, or Thor you’ve watched a scene with Samuel L Jackson that merges all of these movies together into the same universe.  Captain America is the last Avenger to get his own film before the big Avengers movie hits next summer.  And if you stay past the credits this time, you get a trailer to hold you over.  With all of the actors returning, it’s looking pretty awesome.

If you’ve seen any of the other Avenger movies (even if you didn’t realize it), go check this one out for sure.  In fact, I’d recommend seeing all of them (though I haven’t seen Thor, yet).  As much as I hate origin stories, these four are pretty good and with Joss Whedon directing The Avengers, it could be the best movie next summer.

Grade: B+

Kristi’s Take…

I just want to start this movie review out by saying that I find it oddly comforting that ‘John’s wrong’ rhymes and I can’t wait to use it more often. As for this review I can’t say that I think he is wrong per say, but I can’t say I thought this movie was well done.

Aside from the awesome references to the other ‘Avengers’ and the foreshadowing for the upcoming Avengers flick, this movie fell short of my expectations. Captain America started out really strong (that’s funny because Steve Rogers didn’t), but after the big rescue scene it was like they decided the rest of the movie could be boring. The characters seem to lose a part of themselves and I’m not sure if that was the actors/actresses fault or the writers, but I have to say I was incredibly disappointed.

Now, having said all of that I still recommend that you see this movie in the theater for the best experience. Be on the look out for comments about other comic book characters and foreshadowing of things to come because that really is the best part of this movie.

Grade: B

Last  summer, Salt was released one week after Inception.  Unsurprisingly, it tanked and acted as the salt within the salt in the wounds of Angelina Jolie fans.  Thankfully, God created the DVD and set us free from Box Office release schedules.

Salt is the perfect Angelina Jolie movie.  No, she doesn’t play a sex-crazed adoption agent in the wilds of Africa (though that might be entertaining), she plays a butt-kicking super spy…that other thing she’s good at.  Her new anorexic look is beginning to destroy the illusion, however.  Her arms are so tiny I was sure she was gonna break one after every punch.

There are three different versions of the movie on the DVD: Theatrical, Director’s Cut, and Extended Unrated Cut.  Seriously.  This means the studio, the director, and the editor couldn’t agree on how to tell this story.  Two of them are idiots.  You see, the Extended Unrated version is the best.  You probably think that’s the “with added boobs!” version, but it’s not.  It’s got a completely different ending and major scene changes throughout.  It’s not even five minutes longer than the theatrical version, but far superior.

If you were on your third viewing of Inception (like me) and missed Salt, go check it out.  It’s a great spy thriller, so long as you pick the right version off the disc.  I’ll be waiting for the sequel… Pepa.

Grade: A-

Kristi’s Take…

Before I read what my fellow muse-r writes I always have my initial thoughts and it amazes me how in tune we tend to be for some of these reviews. It’s like I’m the salt to his pepper and we compliment each other so well it’s disgusting at times. Ok, I’m done with that. Now, on to my review.

Angelina Jolie only has one character that she plays and here are some of the qualities that one can find in her character: she is a badass beautiful woman, usually a spy of some sort, sexy and of course very serious. I believe in all of her films she plays this exact same character every time, well minus the spy role in some cases.  But you know what! She does it incredibly well and  I have to give her a round of applause for sticking to one character and never branching out.

For this film Jolie definitely brought her A game and kicked major spy ass. I saw the theatrical version and after reading about the extras I’m feeling a little left out, so I am going to join you readers and purchase or rent Salt in order to see the multiple endings.

I give this film an A!

Grade: A