John’s Movie Musings

Usually when I write a review, I try and throw a joke or two in.  Michael Bay.  N-n-no, that’s too low.  The joke is that Michael Bay gave an interview a few days before Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (ROTF) came out.  In it, he said he was tired of being judged harshly prior to the release of his movies, so he was ditching the big blockbusters in favor of small art-house films.  If you’re like me, your ass is ROTFL.  Just imagine Michael Bay’s version of Juno. Frightening.

I went into Transformers: ROTF with extremely low expectations.  I’m not a fan of Bay, I didn’t like the first Transformers, and Shia LaBeouf makes me want to cut myself. Normally, going in to a movie with that kind of anti-anticipation (cipation?), I come out somewhat surprised.  “Well, it wasn’t that bad.”  Transformers 2 was worse than I could have dreamed.  Just how bad?  My friends and I caught the late show that ended around 1AM.  We then stayed outside for another hour venting at the 2.5 hour insult we just witnessed.  This crap caused sleep loss.

There are so many directions I could go to explain why ROTF is so bad.  Let’s start with the plot.  It’s the simplest as there is none.  In the first Transformers, you could procure a little satisfaction from giant fighting robots.  Here, Bay must’ve ran out of ideas on how to use them.  Optimus and Megatron disappear for most of the movie.  Think about that.  The two lead characters in Transformers are MIA for most of it.  Who does that?  When Bay realizes he has a conversation between characters no one cares about, he spins the camera and hopes people will be too dizzy to listen.

With no main characters to entertain us, we get more Shia and Megan Fox.  I will give credit to Shia as he’s grown a bit as an actor.  Instead of using “No-no-no!!” in every line, he’s changed to “Go-go-go!!”  Progress.  Megan’s scenes are lifted straight from the Top Ten Pinup Poses Handbook.  Had there been a pizza-making scene, I’m sure she would have had a leg or two in the air.

I could go on and on about racial stereotypes, transforming humans (yeah, no explanation given), stupid dialog, plot holes, and confusing robot fights (Good guys and bad guys, despite already looking alike, get all mixed into a confusing mash of metal).  But you get the idea.  There’s nothing worth seeing.

Earlier in the year, I declared Wolverine as the worst movie of the year.  I was wrong.

Grade: F