John’s Movie Musings

When the trailers for Wall-E came out, Disney did a great job of not telling you anything about the story. You knew it was a about a robot on a planet that gets visited by a spaceship. And that’s it. Well, you knew one other thing: this was a Pixar movie. And for everyone on the planet, that was enough.

I’ve been a little down on Pixar, however. Cars was a low point for me and Ratatouille didn’t wow me as much as everyone hyped it up. But, Pixar has a solid track record, so I figured it was a safe bet to check this one out.

Wall-E is not only the best Pixar movie ever, it’s one of the best Sci-Fi movies and one of the best love stories. Period. I worry about hyping it up too much, but it’s about as perfect as you can hope for. This one’s taking home an Oscar for sure.

But here’s the thing. The movie starts out with two large heapings of guilt. I picture Wall-E pointing and laughing at Al Gore while calling him an amateur. Humans haven’t been portrayed this badly since Bambi’s mother got shot.

But it all works. Somehow, out of the little genius factory that is Pixar, that guilt gets turned into hope and love. There were women next to me wiping away tears at the end. As luck would have it, I got something stuck in my eye.

There are still a lot of big summer movies left, but I’d bet this one stands out as the best.

Grade: A+

I have a man-crush on Steve Carell. The dude cracks me up. My Thursday nights are reserved for The Office and he’s mostly the reason why. Well, that and taking bets on when Jim and Pam are breaking up.

So when I heard that he was taking over for Don Adams in Get Smart, I thought, “Brilliant!” just like those Guinness guys. Who else could play the “funny man who’s in a comedy but doesn’t realize it” part?

I was also a bit nervous. Did you see the Pink Panther? Steve Martin is funny, and him speaking in a French accent is enough for me, but the movie wasn’t all that great. It was ok, but certainly not worth $10 — the exact amount I had riding on Get Smart. See where I’m going?

Fortunately, the movie is hilarious. I love going to comedies where the whole audience laughs with you. It’s contagious. My viewing of Get Smart was like that. There wasn’t a large crowd, but the people there all laughed for two hours. You can’t help but enjoy that.

Anne Hathaway was also a big question mark for me going in. I’d never seen any of her movies, well, because she’s only done like twenty princess flicks. Fortunately, my manhood is intact and I’ve never had to see one. But she’s great and plays a great counter-balance to Carell.

The plot is kind of obvious, so don’t go in expecting great drama. But the jokes are great and this one’s worth checking out if you’re in need of a laugh.

Grade: B+

By the time The Village and Lady in the Water came out, I think all the negative press started to get to him. The critic character in Lady in the Water is “Exhibit A.” Also, Shyamalan’s ego got worse with every movie. The time he spent on screen in his movies directly correlated to how badly they sucked.

With The Happening, the credits inform us that he wrote, directed, and produced it. I have no idea what a Producer does, so I just take that to mean he gave himself some donoughts every morning.

As for directing, the man is still a genius behind the camera. There are scenes that you will never forget. They’re the kinds of things spoof movies make fun of. Unfortunately, M. Night has a long ways to go to make up for The Village, so it might be awhile before The Happening gets spoofed.

Now let’s get to the writing. M. Night should immeditately burn every pen, pencil, quill, typewriter, and PC in his house. The man should never write again. The dialog in The Happening is so awful, I actually wished George Lucas would have helped out. Maybe it looked good on paper. Maybe he was on drugs. I’m not sure.

The Happening is certianly better than his last two movies, but still not worth catching in the theaters. It’s worth a rental, though.

Grade: B-

Yes, here’s another 80′s series I didn’t see as a kid. Too much Neverending Story and Short Circuit, obviously. I watched the original Rambo - excuse me, First Blood, a few months ago and I didn’t particularly care for it. So why watch II and III? Well, Stallone made a new Rambo a few months ago and I wanted to see what he did with it. You may know that he did the same with Rocky Balboa, a movie I really enjoyed. To get the most out of the latest Rambo, I thought I better catch up on the series.

What can you say about the Rambo movies? I firmly believe that we will never see another character like this in our lifetimes. The action hero is dead. Think about it. What would today’s studio execs say about a script where the hero escapes from prison, releases the prisoners, and steals his own rescue helicopter – without help from anyone. I imagine this stuffy guy in a suit scratching his chin after reading, only to ask the writer, “Can we make him gay?”

Is it good for the action hero to be dead? I don’t think so. Afterall, we’ve got Die Hard 4 and Rambo 4 coming into these modern times. There’s even another Terminator coming out. So Stallone, Willis, and Schwarzenegger all agree with me.

Maybe it’s just the lack of action stars today. Let’s go hypothetical… Hollywood is big into “revisioning” old series. Pretend the last Rambo didn’t get made and now a new director wants to remake First Blood. Who would star? The only guy I can think might possibly pull it off is Gerard Butler of 300. Got anyone better?

Anyway, I’ll spout off more about this after I watch Rambo (the last one). As for Rambo: First Blood, Part II and Rambo III, they’re classics. Go find yourself some Pop Rocks and Coke and watch both in the same night.

Grades: B

All too often, I go into Indie films hoping to discover the next Juno or Once. That’s not a bad hope to have, but it’s “hope” and not “expectation” because most Indie films are crapfests.

Take Wristcutters: A Love Story, for instance. Following the Independent Film bylaws, it tackles a subject Hollywood won’t touch – suicide. OK, I’m cool with that. It’s good to explore some darker themes in the safety of film to help make sense of it. But only an Independent filmmaker would look at suicide and say, “Hey, this would make a great love story.” Idiots.

Yes, I know Romeo & Juliet did it. Shut up. That was a well told tragedy. Wristcutters is a tragedy. See the difference?

The movies opens with the titular suicide and the hero’s death. However, he wakes up somewhere between Heaven and Hell. Think more New Jersey than Purgatory. Wherever it is, only suicide victims live there. He soon hears that his girlfriend killed herself shortly after his funeral, and so begins his quest to reuinite with his true love.

“But John,” you say. “What about all the emotional strife that caused him to kill himself?” Yeah, that’s why this movie sucks. You basically have this quirky love story set in New Jergatory that completely ignores the fact that every character killed themselves. Actually, I take that back. Every character explains how they killed themselves, but no one explains why. Maybe it’s just me, but when Mr Big Emotional Elephant is in the room, I think a story should deal with him.

Bah. Whatever. You’ve probably never heard of this movie. My apologies for ruining that.

Grade: D

Over and over, I’m convinced Johnny Depp is the greatest actor of our time. Every time I see him, he’s playing a character that’s different than all the rest. I daresay, here’s a star who acts. Gasp.

In Sweeney Todd, Mr Depp does something he’s never done before. He sings. And he sings well. Seriously. I went in fully expecting the wailings of a tortured soul trained by Yoko Ono. I expected cats to fall dead in the street. I even expected the TV to say, “Oh hell no” and mute itself.

But none of that happened. The man can sing and Sweeney Todd is worth a watching just for that.

So how’s the movie? Well, have you ever watched Phantom of the Opera and wished for fountains of blood? The kind that shows up in Tarantino movies or SNL skits. Sweeney Todd has all that and even gets the color wrong to emphasize the ridiculousness of it all.

At its core, the movie is a Revenge flick. If you’ve read my other reviews on Revenge flicks, you know how essential I hold the ending. Fortunately, Sweeney Todd gets it right. You know when you order a Guinness and the server brings it to you while it’s still cascading? That’s the kind of satisfaction I’m talking about. Nothing life-changing. Just contentment.

If you’re ever in the mood for a Slasher-Revenge tale set to song, rent it. I enjoyed this one.

Grade: A-

Remember that Hulk movie a few years ago? Ang Lee did it right before Brokeback Mountain. I don’t remember too many of the details, but I think Hulk was trying to avoid the Army for violating the “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy. I may have that wrong, but whatever, the movie was horrible.

Fast forward five years and Marvel gets their own studio. First, they come out with Iron Man (supposed to be awesome) and this weekend, they release a new Hulk movie. I think it’s called The Incredible Forget About That Last Hulk.

I’m not a big Hulk fan, but it’s one of the few superheroes I know anything about. And that’s only because I watched the TV show as a kid. Because of that knowledge, I was dreading another origin story. I hate origin stories. Especially those that get told over and over again. But in The Incredible Hulk, they treat the it perfectly during the opening credits. Brilliant. It’s like they knew I’d be bored during the credits anyway, so why not squeeze some gamma radiation in there. Whoever made that call deserves a bonus.

Edward Norton is the last person in the world I pictured as Bruce Banner. The man can act, but as the Hulk? Come on. Fortunately, he proved me wrong. He’s awesome and paints a very human side to the biggest green monster outside of Boston.

I was really enjoying this one up until the final act. I swear you can pinpoint exactly when the Writer’s Strike happened. The CG is pretty and you best enoy it, ’cause that’s all you get.

Wait and rent this one.

Grade: B-