John’s Movie Musings

Ugh. Another stupid revenge flick.

Remember those Death Wish movies with Charles Bronson? Something bad would happen to Bronson’s family and he’d go all medieval on the bad guys and by the end, sunbeams and rainbows would fill the sky. The Brave One is Death Wish with Jodie Foster as Charles Bronson. No, not instead of Bronson, as Bronson. Seriously.

The family member in question is Sayid from LOST. So as to seem more helpless than Jodie Foster, Sayid is stripped of all his badassery. That’s disappointing and completely unbelievable. True, it’s not fair to typecast an actor, but if you see this (ha), let me know if you don’t think the same thing.

But the real palm-to-forehead moment comes at the end. Revenge flicks live or die solely on their ending. They naturally build up a tension that must be resolved intelligently at the end. If that doesn’t happen, you yell at the screen. Or at least I do. Here, when the final scene appeared, a giant FAIL stamp should have hit the screen. The Brave One makes the tragic flaw of making the characters do something completely unnatural just to wrap things up. It’s sad.

What makes the ending so frustrating is that the rest of the movie is brilliantly acted. We all know Jodie can act and we get Terrance Howard playing the detective. The scenes they have together are great. But trust me, this ain’t worth sitting through to see ‘em.

There are plenty of other flaws. The way she gets her gun comes straight from the Convenient Conflict Resolution Handbook (2nd Ed.). Jodie also plays a NPR-like talk show host. Talk Radio is boring on its own. In a crappy revenge flick, it’s torture.

Spare yourself the pain and skip this one.

Grade: D

Here’s another movie I’m just now catching up on. Last summer, Ratatouille scored a crazy 97% freshness on rottentomatoes.com. It’s at 95% now, but back then it was the highest rated movie of the summer. Needless to say, I was expecting big things.

I like Pixar movies but I’ve noticed a shift in their styles. The earlier movies (Toy Story, Monster’s Inc, etc) were funny – hilarious, even. Cars and Ratatouille seem more serious. That doesn’t make ‘em bad, but I do long for the funnier days.

I watched Ratatouille on Blu-Ray and holy crap! The 3D animation is unbelievable. The rodents’ fur actually looked like fur instead of a flat fur texture. Also, animators are finally getting water (specifically, wet surfaces) to look right. It’s not perfect, but it’s getting close.

Overall, I think my expectations for this one were too high. I enjoyed it, and it’s certainly a good movie, but it’s not 97% good. In my ranking of Pixar movies, I’d place this one just above Cars, my least favorite.

Hmmm, I’ve run out of things to say. Since I’m sure all of you have seen this, what did you think of it?

Grade: B-

Independent movies rarely do Sci-Fi. Indie directors have a choice between special effects and, say, a cameraman…or food. But all that’s changing (hopefully). Computers are cheap and anyone can torrent a copy of Maya. Even the Star Trek/Star Wars fan movies are looking pretty good. What? I only saw one.

Sunshine comes to us from the UK. I think that’s a little joke since we all know the sun never shines in London. Like I said earlier, it’s an Independent movie so no one famous is in it. There are, however, a few actors who make you shout, “Hey! It’s that guy!” I think this is one of the movie’s strengths since you have no idea who will get killed off.

OK, so the acting is a strength, let’s talk about a weakness — the premise. The idea is that years from now, the sun starts to die. This makes the Earth like Hoth. Humanity grows tired of snow and decides the only way to save itself is to send a nuclear warhead into the sun and hope to “restart” it.

…

BWAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA.

Being a somewhat technical person, that’s laughably bad. This had to come from a Windows crash on the writer’s laptop. Going outside in anger, he saw the sun and put two and two together.

But here’s the kicker, the movie’s pretty good. If you can force yourself into the concept, Sunshine makes a boring trip through space fairly suspenseful. Not knowing who’s going to make it helps, but the writing is good on its own. Also, the director did a lot with the Special Effects, especially considering how little he had to work with. The shot of Mercury passing was definitely a “whoa” moment.

So yeah, things aren’t perfect but I’d bet a few of you will like this one.

Grade: B

I was in Tokyo last week and to prepare for the trip, a friend said I should watch Lost in Translation. He is no longer my friend.

OK, the movie ain’t that bad. In fact, didn’t it win some awards? (Googles…) Yes, it won the Oscar for best writing & screenplay and was nominated for best picture. Why? I mean, I got what Sofia Coppola was trying to do with it. I just wasn’t all that thrilled with how she got there. There were scenes of greatness, just too few to matter. In fact, other than those scenes, I’ve already forgotten everything else.

I liked Bill Murray, though. He pulled a Robin Williams and got all serious and pulled it off. There were some scenes I’m positive were ad-libbed. They proved he’s still a genius even when not chasing ghosts or gophers.

Scarlett Johansson is ok but I’m still looking for a movie that makes me fall in love with her. Lost in Translation opens with a long shot of her ass so right away, you know her role here. They couldn’t have been more blunt if they put “Bill Murray” and “Hot Piece of Ass” on the poster. Eye candy is fine, but I’m still waiting for something where she can stand out.

Most of you probably saw this years ago and I’m just now catching up. Those of you who haven’t seen it have probably done so based on the opinions of the rest of your friends who told you to skip it. I’m not gonna change anyone’s minds here, so let’s just move on.

Grade: C-

Jackie Chan once asked, “War, huh, what is it good for?” Years later, his cousin, Jet Li answered, “War gets me in a movie with Jason Statham!”

When I saw the poster for WAR (whenever that was) I remember thinking, “Hey, those are two action stars I like in the same movie.” Then, after I saw the trailer I remember thinking, “Holy crap that’s gonna suck. Maybe I’ll rent it.”

So obviously I had low, low expectations for this one.

First the good. It’s not crap.

Now the bad.

Let’s not drag this out. While it’s not completely horrible, WAR is just a drinking game based on body count.

I love Character Studies – the kind of movies that dive deep into the twisted psyche of the protagonist and find flaws and traits that hit all too close to home. I always feel like I’ve grown or learned a bit about myself after watching one.

Confessions of a Superhero, while a documentary, is such a film. It follows four “superheroes” who make a living working for tips outside of Mann’s Chinese Theater: Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman, and the Hulk.

Superman comes across as the oddest of them all. Obsessive would be a good word. But he looks like Christopher Reeve and carries a strong moral code with him. He’s portrayed as the “superhero cop,” training newbies and keeping the rest of the characters within the bounds of the law.

I’m not sure what to think about Batman. He’s the only guy in the world to think it’s a curse to look like George Clooney. But I’m fairly certain that the life of Batman is more factual than the stories this guy told. You’ll see what I mean.

Wonder Woman comes across as a sweet, innocent girl from Tennessee. She’s cute and seems grounded, but I came away fearing she’ll end up in the dark side of the porn industry. She’s just got one of those stories.

Finally, the Hulk. He’s got the worst costume, but his life is so tough that you can’t help but pull for the guy.

I’m not sure how many years the cameras followed these folks, but it seemed like quite a few. So much so that I honestly feel like I know them. If I ever went to Hollywood, I’d almost be tempted to take ‘em all out for a beer. Even through their quirks and oddities, or maybe because of them, these people are stripped to their simple humanity. There’s a raw honesty present – even from Batman. I think that speaks to how great the director portrayed these people. Not as freaks, beggars, or losers, but as flawed humans we can all relate to.

If I had one complaint, it’s that I got so engaged in the stories that I wanted a satisfying ending. Or at least, know the ending. But it’s good that these stories are still being told, as are ours. I just wish mine turns out as interesting.

Grade: A-